Words of Fire Blog

Single At Christmas

12/17/2013

My dog doesn't look any happier than some singles do at Christmas.

This past week, I got the chance to speak with Carla Thomas, hostess of madstyleandgrace.com, about the struggles singles face during the Christmas season. I've been surprised by the blog posts I've read on the subject, and humbled that I would be able to speak to my single brothers and sisters about the difficult emotional valleys that this season of celebration so often produces.
Here are some of the things Carla and I discussed. I believe that the pain of the season can be addressed by looking at, and attacking the four "p's": People, Prayer, Praise and Presents.

People. Don't try to go it alone this season. Actively seek fellowship opportunities, and spend time with family and friends, particularly those who understand your struggle and will encourage you. Feeling down? Get a kid fix. Borrow one of your nieces or nephews or godkids and see the season from a pint sized point of view. It's very difficult to be sad when you're around a kid at Christmas. Enjoy the wonder and the excitement that only children have.

But if people sap your energy, then avoid them. Take your Bible and a journal and spend the day--yes, I am saying this to singles--alone. Find a retreat center and concentrate on listening to God for a change, not jingle bells.

Prayer. Let God open a window to the world through your prayer life.  Pray over our cities, our country, your family or the persecuted church.

Praise. Christmas is about celebrating the joy of Christ's birth, but not everyone celebrates in the same way. If you are part of a liturgical tradition, why not visit a charismatic church?  On the other hand, if you're used to a more lively worship experience, check out a midnight mass or a Christmas cantata.  Either way, you can see how the other half gets its praise on!

Presents. As the song says, you can't "beat God giving."  Don't try. But you can give to God's Kingdom and to His people. If you can earn overtime pay during the holidays (perhaps by taking a married person's shift), use the extra cash for your church's capital campaign, adopting a foster child for Christmas or helping a foreign mission.
    If you don't have the cash, try to make the time: take a senior to lunch or volunteer to drive to the grocery store.
    Christmas celebrates the most amazing miracle of our faith: that the infinite Divine would want to connect with us. Why not use this time to connect with people, in prayer, or by giving praise or a present? I cannot promise that the pain that you may have will go away, but I can tell you that you will be glad you didn't miss the party.  I know I won't. Hope to see you there, or if not, I'll catch you around the throne.

Need more resources?   Check these out:
    Carla Thomas.
        Twitter: @flycarla
        www.madstyleandgrace.com

    Single Roots.com Great blog posts for Christians about singleness.

    The Singles Network Ministries
       Energizer Bunny and singles' conference speaker Kris Swiatocho knows  about and has information about singles ministries here and in Europe. She is also the author of Jesus, Single Like Me.

    In the Baltimore-DC area? These churches have vibrant singles ministries:
    Celebration Church WOW (Walking In Our Wholeness) Ministry
    First Baptist Church of Glenarden Singles Ministry
    St. John Singles For Christ
    Mount Moriah Baptist Church L.I.V.E. ("Living in Victory Everyday") Singles Ministry.
    M.O.V.E. ("Motivated Optimistic Victorious (men and women) Eager") Singles Life Changing Ministries

Friday's Fire: Stealing Christmas

12/13/2013

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation."
Psalms 51:12

    It's ironic, isn't it? Christmas, the celebration of Jesus' miraculous birth, brings out the worse in people: instead of peace on earth, crowds jostle and customers are trampled in WalMart. Instead of goodwill towards all, we have to watch our purses and set our alarms. Instead of shopping with anticipation and excitement, we are urged to look under our cars and store shopping bags out of sight.
    So I shouldn't have been surprised by the local news story about a new sort of Christmas thief:  he and his accomplices follow UPS trucks and steal the packages left on front porches.
    Has it been like that for you?    Has someone followed the delivery truck intended for you and stolen what was supposed to bring you joy?
     Don't stand for it.  Don't let it happen. Don't allow your gifts to be plundered. Fight for your joy. It's too precious to waste. Ask God for the strength you need for this battle. It's one that I don't want to lose.
    I will chase the thief; I will take back what's been stolen, and I will enjoy all that God has for me.

Rest in Peace, Madiba

12/4/2013

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Howard Thurman

In Nelson Mandela Square, Johannesburg, 2012.

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela died today at the age of 95.

He spent 27 years of his life behind bars, but he united a nation.

He suffered unspeakable cruelty at the hands of his own government, but he fought for reconciliation and renewal.

He did not turn his back on hope, possibilities, freedom or change.

I wonder what kind of world we would have, what kind of legacy we would leave, if we did the same?

Wednesday's Word: Give Thanks

11/27/2013

"...Give thanks in all circumstances."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

    Every time I read this scripture, I wonder whether there must have been the equivalent of a typo in some ancient manuscript. But Paul does not seem to give any restrictions. He says we are to give thanks in, not some, but in "all" circumstances.

But Paul does not tell that believers to give thanks _for_ everything that happens: For some, giving thanks "in" and not "for" is a distinction without a difference.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. Many will gather with families and loved ones to feast and give, well, thanks. Seems pretty consistent with Paul's scripture, doesn't it?  I'm not so sure: I have been especially sensitized to Paul's admonition to the church at Thessalonica in the aftermath of the typhoon in the Philippines. As of the time of this writing, 1,000,000 persons have no shelter; over five thousand persons are deceased or missing and presumed dead.

Give thanks? That's what we are expected to do on Thanksgiving, right?  But I don't give thanks _for_ this natural disaster.  I give thanks for the compassion of strangers: persons who have donated their time, talents and treasures to help those on the other side of the world.  I give thanks for scientists who have a renewed commitment to reversing the effects of climate change. I give thanks for that cup of cold water from a volunteer; that penny from a broken piggy bank; that tear shed in front of the television screen.

I give thanks in circumstances that show me a world that cares.

Wednesday's Word: Changing Channels

11/20/2013

"I don't like this program."
Grace Marie, Age 5

It was Sunday and attending the brick and mortar church was not an option because of illnesses tat had run their course in the family.  But because of the wonder of online viewing, my brother and his family decided to log on to become part of the virtual congregation.

My niece watched for a bit, but was not amused.  After "attending" for a brief time, she told her parents that she would rather see what was playing on the Disney Kids' channel.

I'm not sure whether the service was boring, the reception was poor, or whether the content was clear. I'm also not sure whether Grace would have had the same reaction had she attended the brick and mortar service.

I am sure, though, that it's harder to leave a service than it is to leave a virtual church. The hard work of community building and relationships requires time, face to face persistence and the ability not to abandon a community at the click of a mouse.

I hope that the next time Grace "attends" church, that she will be persuaded to
stay in time to hear a Word that blesses and feeds her. More importantly, I pray that Grace--and those of her generation--will embrace a community of faith that encourages, inspires and transforms the world.

Wednesday's Word: Welcome Home!

11/5/2013

Then he gave his answer:
"Go back and tell John what you have
just seen and heard:
The blind see, The lame walk,
Lepers are cleansed, The deaf hear,
The dead are raised,
The wretched of the earth have God’s salvation hospitality extended to them.
Is this what you were expecting? Then count yourselves fortunate!"
Luke 7:22 (The Message)

I remember that day so clearly: It was my first time in Grenada; he owned the small hotel in St. George’s where we were staying. His name was Godfrey. My friend, a native of that island, had known him since childhood. Upon being introduced, Godfrey enveloped me in an embrace and said: "Welcome home."   With those two words, I was transformed from mere tourist to treasured native; from diaspora’s refugee into a child of the country.

How often, though, do we allow God to welcome us home? In order to extend God’s invitation to celebrate new life, we must first  accept ourselves. We are all from time to time prodigal sons, wicked tax collectors and sinful women.    We all shun our internal spaces and pain and thus, hide them from the gracious embrace of God. In so doing, we fail to invite God into those spaces where His healing is most necessary. Like the prodigal, we snatch our inheritance and move to a distant land. Like the prodigal, we long to be welcomed back.

It is in this internal reunion that we accept the love that God already has for us. We are hospitable, kind and gracious to ourselves. We, in this way, become our own hosts, so that the fragmented and disjointed pieces of our lives may be received in God’s extravagant embrace. As we are transformed by the acceptance of God’s invitation, we are led to invite others to the joyous banquet that we prepare from our own experience. When each individual can be welcoming to himself or to herself, such honesty must be translated to the larger church in order to transform it.

The witness of scripture tells us that God will welcome us into his embrace,
even as Godfrey welcomed me into his. Jesus’ words, as recorded by Luke assure
us that as we embrace ourselves, God, too embraces us.

Wednesday's Word: Welcome!

10/30/2013

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing so some have entertained angels without knowing it."
Hebrews 13:2

My maternal grandmother first taught me about hospitality. Every first-time
visitor to her home was treated like royalty.    Granny refused to let
first-time guests serve themselves in any way: their slightest wish was her
command.   However, if you were invited back, you became family. Granny readily opened her heart and her home to students, church members, neighbors and distant relatives.

Her natural affinity for hospitality was probably developed during her early
adulthood, when she welcomed musicians from Pennsylvania Avenue’s jazz clubs
into her home. Those for whom hotels were prohibited found refuge in her neat
row house.   Although Granny showed me how a hostess should give, it is from
my young niece that I once learned that a hostess receives.

My niece used to attend a Christian elementary school located across the street from our church. I remember an unplanned visit after having attended the funeral of a breast cancer victim, borne out of my personal need to receive some small taste of life. With the eulogy fresh in my brain and the tears still choking my throat, I walked to my niece’s school–just to take a peek at her.   Upon seeing me in the doorway, my niece jumped from her desk and ran to embrace me as only an uninhibited child can. "Auntie!" she cried, squeezing me with a grip that would have done a Sumo wrestler proud. Children can strip one of preferences and self-centeredness, can't they?   We must make ourselves available to love them, in spite of what we may or may not receive. Therein comes the sacrifice. However, we also receive a gift.

What I received that warm October day long ago reminded me of all that is precious and sacred. As I accept my  need to be embraced and accepted, God does not disappoint. I return the embrace, comforted beyond measure by the reminder in that angels really exist in this death-ridden and sorrowful world.

I have been enfolded by the One who holds the world in His hands. I have received more than I have given.   The wonder of hospitality is not that we are able to give, but that God gives to us.   His desire is to embrace us in unexpected places.   As
we entertain, we find friends, we find family, and we see the shining face of
the Divine.

Wednesday's Word: Falling To Rise

10/23/2013

I love the fall: the crisper air, the honking of geese flying south; the glorious colors that overtake the trees, as if by surprise. (It helps, too, that  my birthday is in the fall, but that's for another post...)

Unlike summer, when I run indoors for air conditioning, the fall seems more welcoming to me; the landscape more open. I take long prayer walks and breathe deeply the world in transition.  I bake cookies and bread.  I cook large pots of soup from leftovers. I light fires in my fireplace.

At the same time, I am reminded of those who find the approaching winter isolating and lonely. I cannot fully enjoy my blessings without blessing others.

How do you invite this wondrous and changing world into your everyday experience?  How do you celebrate the different seasons? Dorothy Bass, author of Receiving the Day asserts that "time itself is made holy by the presence of God." When we view time as a gift, and not a burden, we can become more open to live life more fully. But it's more than that: Sharing our time means that we are willing to share our lives, and shouldn't we? The Resurrection of spring; the excitement of Christmas; the harvests of the fall--all are meant to be shared, meant to be holy, meant to bless others.

Each day brings its own grace.  Each season brings its own celebrations. May we fully enter this season, join the celebration, and find joy at every rising of the sun.

Wednesday's Word: Moving

10/16/2013

Blessing
On each threshold, wisdom;
at every doorway, love;
through every entry, grace;
with each beginning, peace.
Jan L. Richardson

My elderly next door neighbor moved out of her home yesterday. Our houses shared a wall, but our hearts had found a home in each other. Over the past decade, we traded coffee, sugar, baked goods, and quips.

My dog enjoyed sitting on her porch on cool summer evenings while we talked of everything and nothing. She often watched for me from her bedroom window to make sure that I had gotten home safely on late work nights.

However, as her children have wisely found, her body can no longer handle the multiple levels of these houses. She would be more comfortable on one floor. I understand, and know that it's best, but still I find myself looking at the now-empty windows and feeling sad. I know that someday a well meaning younger relative will be moving me, too. But I know that I will be blessed with each new beginning, as I have been blessed by her in this place.

Friday's Fire: Guest Post by Michelle Graham of the ChristianCrush* Team

10/10/2013

I often hear the lament of fellow singles that they are waiting for the "perfect" mate. We all deserve God's best. Graham's post tells us how some of these expectations may hinder, instead of help, our relationships.
Enjoy her fire!

Do Christian Dating Sites Make You Harder to Please?

Christian dating sites may actually make it harder for some to find a mate. An online survey from earlier this year reveals that, while most people approach love and dating using more modern methods, many of them remain old-fashioned: they still believe in love at first sight. Nearly 46 percent of those surveyed said they believed that God had "one" right person for them.

What's most surprising to many is that more men than women believe that love at first sight exists.

Women are stereotypically viewed as more romantic than men, but if the results of this online survey are any reflection of the broader population's beliefs, then it seems that women aren’t the ones who are overwhelmingly enchanted by romance.   Some online dating experts are nervous about such results–-it seems that hoping for too much romance can lead to unrealistic expectations from a date or, eventually, a marriage partner.

According to Pastor Timothy Keller, the more romance a person expects, the less able they are to leave room for mistakes and human frailties.

Christian Mingle’s community manager advises that the best way to find a good marriage partner is to form friendships first (which essentially nixes the idea of love at first sight). Christian dating sites can be helpful for finding people who share your faith, but be careful they don’t make you more picky.

Attraction is certainly a huge part of dating, but you need to avoid thinking patterns that thrust you into a cycle of never-ending dates and a never-ending search for "the one." Instead, slow down the courting process and really invest in the people you are getting to know.  Develop close and lasting relationships. Don't expect perfection: Realize that one of God’s greatest purposes in marriage is to refine two  imperfect people  so that they can become more like Him.

*ChristianCrush.com aims to be the most authentic, innovative, and trustworthy site on the web for believers to connect.

Interested in reading more about healthy relationships?
Check out ChristianCrush!

Article Source: Eryn Sun, Christian Dating Site Finds Singles Still Believe in Love at First Site,  The Christian Post, Retrieved on August 26, 2013

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